I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
