i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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