see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
