I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
handjob tips. give me some.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
