New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize