He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
