saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
