I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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