all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
