I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
