can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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