Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
