so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
