He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
