Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
