i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
