Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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