don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
