I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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