And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize