He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
