I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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