We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So squirting runs in the family.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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