The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
