I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
