just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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