i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
