I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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