I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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