I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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