all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
