In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We are all done wearing pants today
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
