apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
