I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
