she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
