theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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