My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
