I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize