The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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