I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
