I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
