I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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