i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
