Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
