everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
