and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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