she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
