It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
