my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
