i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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