Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i now understand why vodka
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Someone signed my nipple.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
