He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
