i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize