can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
