you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Actions speak louder than pants.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
