So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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