you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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