you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my poor anus
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
