yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
