There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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