oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
