Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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