he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
