Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
