we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
