Plan B is the new Plan A
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
