I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
