His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
