I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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